Lucy

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 21:28:30 GMT

I don't think my life can go on much longer. I tried to make things better, by letting someone know what someone said, but now I wish I kept my big fat mouth shut. At least then I could have at least pretended that everything was okay for now. But no. I guess I have a streak for demolishing everything in my thunderous wake. Hooray for me. I don't seem to be living by the old way, shit at home, great at school/ great at home, shit at school. It's shit all over. Maybe that's affecting my view of happenings at school, but I guess I expected certain people to be sympathetic of that and maybe consider my feelings before I was dropped for someone a little less reliable.

Don’t listen to me, I’m just angry. But school is such a pile of crap. I am so over my group, over friends in general. I have 5 people who I know that I can rely on. H, J, C, S and L. I don’t want a split though. I'm still hanging on to the tiny hope that maybe, just maybe, it'll all change. But probably not. IMHO, I think we need a second opinion. Maybe my English or chemistry teacher. They are my favorite. I wish my English teacher were my mum. People think I’m joking. I'm not. She is the nicest most interesting person I’ve met in a long time. I love her.

I feel I’ve lost all-purpose in my life. All the best friends in my life have moved away or we've drifted apart due to someone new coming into their lives. The longest time I’ve had a best friend is 4 years. In primary school. I thought that this one was going to last, at least until end of sixth form. I guess I was wrong.

I've had enough of being expected to always make the effort, all the time and the one time I don't, I get in trouble. That isn't a friendship. That's a cult.

I can almost see it

That dream I'm dreaming but

There's a voice inside my head saying,

You'll never reach it,

Every step I'm taking,

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking but I

Got to keep trying

Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain

I'm always going to want to make it move

Always going to be an uphill battle,

Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,

Ain't about how fast I get there,

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

Over and out x

love, rockets and a bloody great fish

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 20:30:48 GMT

A second post in a week? ooh er, I'm really pushing the boat out :)

I want to post more in the future. I enjoy it. People don't read it really, which i like because then i can right stuff that people don't see. I am sitting at my computer and there is some god-awful draft coming through it, it's making me freeeezing.

Today, I got the feeling our group is splitting again. I really don't like it. As much as i love cassie and lily, i do not appreciate being used and abused by everone else. It's probs just me picking at stuff, but i really feel it. I don't like the way that sish is ostracized. soemtimes she does walk off by herself but i think lots of people do it to her. Sure, she mucked up C's disks a little, and that's fair enough if C wants to say something about that, they cost alot and they mean alot to her. but other people, don't bitch about her if she's trying to make an effort! I'm not the most nicest person, admittedly, but i can see when something's right and something's wrong. I don't like it at all.

I've decided i'm not ever going to talk about sixth form until the time arises. People are leaving and i know it's going to mean losing contact with them. I wouldn't want that for the world. I'm going to stay here, obvs. But I'll live whatever people decide, but if you're leaving PLEASE don't tell me. repeatedly. It makes me sad.

Just had a break for dinner, had some wierd pasta soup. I'm vegetarian, but there aren't many things i don't eat, pasta soup, liquorice and fake bacon (facon) being some of them. just my meal, seeing as facon and pasta soup was in it. blerrrgh.

Valentines coming up... whatta joke. going to my friend's birthday do, don't really want to go. It's a sleepover, and everyone knows how i feel about them. But i'll live...i want a valentine so badly :( but obvs not happening, 3 days to go :(

I can't imagine how hard it must be to be you
Adopting all your history it's hard being me too
Are your secrets where you left them? cause now your ghosts are mine as well
I think it's time I met them and I think it's time you tell

And you should have told me when you met me all these things I should know
And I should have asked we should have talked about this so long ago

It's not fair, it's not fair, help me come up for air
Oh How's this happening to me? It feels so lonely here

over and out
xx

Just a quickie....

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 10:33:04 GMT

Hey Guys,

Okay, I said i would update like after my original blog but i really couldn't be bothered.....

so, alexander won X Factor, Ulrika Johnson won CBB and.... i didn't watch any other reality telly really

didn't like Alex, wanted Ben to win CBB cause i loved him when he was the guy in A1 :D

What's been happening in my life? I wrote some FAT rant the other day for here, but me, being me, it got deleted. err live-journal smells!

but so, let me get depressing.

2009 has not bee good so far, its February and i can't wait for 2010. how sad is that? actually, i cant wait for 2011, university :) then i am out of London and away from everyone, hopefully Nottingham or Manchester brrrrap

but why has 2009 not been good... it all started a cold December in 2008....

i started liking someone again. err. not good. She's a twat, having cheated on me twice and stuff. why do i like her? i don't know. I ain't some lesbean guys :) she's the only girl for me.

so yeah, started to like her and obviously had to go and fall in love with her all over again. We all went round to her house on the 27th for a new years thing, coz people were going to be away and stuff. There we were EXTREMELY pissed and i decided to call my best friend Hana. not a good idea. she was like have you told her how you feel? i replied "no i Havant told her" SHE WAS STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO ME! so she was like what what haven't you told me? i wouldn't tell her (i wasn't THAT pissed) so she wrote some note on paper which shje kept in her pocket until mornign and i stole it.

She went away, what day was this? um... 30th of dec. the whole night she texted me, being like so what didn't you tell me? i was like exposed! by my friend ha-ha, and i still wouldn't tell her, but she ended her texts with stuff like "love you more than you'll ever know" "love you more than you think i do" "love you more than you'd ever think was possible" Now, wouldn't any sane person think the person telling them that loved you? espesh if they were adding more kisses than ever.

So i assumed that she must like me too, and so i worked up the courage to tell her. she must of known! i was so bait the whole time etc. etc. but yeah so she rejected me (i wasn't even asking her out, i was just telling her) and it was really awkward at school. Fair enough. but then our group sort of split and it was me, cassie and lily against the others. We did try, honestly. and THEN, to put the icing on the fucking cake, the girl i was in love with had the cheek to blame me for it. ME! and i apologised, thinking it WAS my fault and I was in the wrong. she called me selfish, uncaring and told me i should have kept my fucking feelings to my fucking self. i still apologised and she was like “sorry's just a word”

that is pissed.

naturally, that made me upset so i wouldn't even stand with her at lunch or stay in the same room. she broke my heart all over again (sounds so emo)

so then, after a hellish week later of crying myself to sleep and not leaving the house for anything, she apologised to me, and you know what i said? “sorry's just a word.” so it was a bit awkward and stuff, and i wasn't properly talking to her until about a week and a half ago and you know what happened? she told me she liked me. oh my days. I was trying so hard to get over her and she comes out with that? what fucking cheek. that is the real 2-fingers up from the big man up there.

so i am properly annoyed. I hate 2009, the year of total shit bloody cunt dicks.

anyway. I am actually considering becoming abit Christian. I am really feeling god existing, i still believe in big bang, no question, but i think maybe god created that? ooh agnostic times.

i can't wait for my birthday. All i want is an ipod nano and a build a bear :) no talking things in my build a bear... they scare me shitless.

I can't stay on your life support, there's a

shortage in the switch,

I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me

itch

I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes

being a little bitch,

I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can

To the middle of nowhere

To the middle of my frustrated fears

And I swear you're just like a pill

Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me

ill

You keep makin' me ill

As you can see, I'm on P!nk like a bitch.

over and out

First Post... Ooh Er...

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 21:24:03 GMT

Hullo.

Erm. First Post, it's quite exciting really. I've been waiting for some inspiration y'know?

And also CASSIE has been on my back for the past WEEK to post.

Ahhh. So what have I been up to?

Mock GCSEs have FINALLY finished, after about 3 billion months of revising and not going out and so to celebrate had a small gathering around at Shants' house. C'est Interessant.

Interesting indeed. Let's just say where Shants and Me are, innuendos and mega lesbian actions follow. Sort of. It didn't really help that Ella was there. Or anyone to be honest. Anything anyone said everybody else turned into something VERY inappropriate for young, naive (!) girls.

Ahh the joys of going to a school which has a reputation for being lesbians.

But today put me in the best mood I've been in for a long, long time. Now that we don’t hang around with Sophie, Amy, Emily and Dani, our group in general has been a lot more relaxed and we’ve had more jokes in about 2 weeks than in the whole of this term put together, oh the jokes, the jokes!

Once you get into the writing bit of this, its pretty cool, this Live Journal :)

I'm off to watch a bit of Friday night telly- next post sure to be about X Factor and how much I love JLS.

Meet me on Thames Street

I'll take you out

Though I'm hardly worth your time

In the cold, you look so fierce

But I'm warming up

Because the tension's like a fire

We'll hit South Broadway in a matter of minutes

And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line

Fall in the grave I've been digging myself

But there's room for two

Six feet under the stars

Love Luce

XxX